TWO MORE winners in our ongoing rubber ducky essay contest!

Our Ducks, Ourselves

The rubber ducky is imperfect because we ourselves, its creators, are imperfect.

And so, at the same time, the ÒdefectiveÓ rubber ducky is also perfect in the way it reflects us back to ourselves, not merely our imperfection but also our longing for perfection and our unflappable determination to believe in perfectionÑnot only that it can exist, but that it did once exist, in some illusive rubber-ducky-past we refer to as Òour childhood,Ó evading the fact that your childhood, Dear Reader, was, more likely than not, the very moment of my awakening to the imperfection of duck (or vice-versa).

Thus it becomes clear that, without this notion of ÒdefectiveÓ rubber duck (or if not that, then some other, but similarly functioning, notion of, for example, defective ÒrubberÓ duck), we would not truly be the perfectly imperfect beings that weÑeach in our own yellow, sinking and unable-to-squeak wayÑare.

Though she says you have never heard of her, Cori Adler has a Ph.D and has published poetry all over the place, which matters.

Bless the Ducks, for They Have Sunken

The root cause of ÒSinking Duck SyndromeÓ is sinning. It is the heavy weight of the log of sin stuck in their eyeballs that drags the ducks to watery doom.

Sinking ducks are a hideous blight on the bathtub landscape. We must cast them from our midst. They are a scourge that spells the end of civilization, as we know it.

Oh, how it embarrasses and pains me to speak of these vile things. But wait, brace yourself, for I will now speak of even more dangerous behaviors freely chosen by these sinking ducks.

Everyone knows that sinking ducks are irresponsible and incapable of forming true families. They engage in criminal activity, get ill, have serial relationships, cheat on their partners, and mate out-of-season. Because their sin is so great, sinking ducks should not be allowed to have legal marriage.

Further, it is up to every citizen to demand that sinking ducks be outlawed, their citizenship be revoked, and their evil relationships be cast asunder.

Beware the Sinking Duck Syndrome and the militant agenda of Lovers International. Beware its insidious push for special rights, such as equal placement on the bathroom windowsill.

Friends, you can convert the heathen ducks, and stop Sinking Duck Syndrome. You can help us change the direction into which our great nation is currently headed.

Together we can halt the slide down the very wet, slippery slope that leads us all to an underwater tomb. We can reverse the floating failure of our fine-feathered friends.

DonÕt delay. Send cash now to www.sinfulducks.govÑweÕll know what to do with your hard-earned cash.

Through reparative therapy we can eliminate those sins, as well as the sinners.

Demian

WWW Washington Free Press