"Just because..."

strange assertions observed by Styx Mundstock

"Just because I'm five-foot-two doesn't mean I can't be a great basketball player."

"Just because I got very rich manufacturing and selling a product that I know causes cancer doesn't mean that I am not a good American."

"Just because I believe in revenge, killing, and favor the rich over the poor doesn't mean I'm not a good Christian."

"Just because I insist that my wife keep covered up and stay at home doesn't mean that I am against the feminist movement."

"Just because I got drunk and was involved in a fraternity rape doesn't mean I am not a nice person."

"Just because I believe that all public information should be controlled by the government doesn't mean that I am against democracy and freedom."

"Just because I don't like Jews, African-Americans and Hispanics doesn't mean I'm racist."

"Just because I believe it's my life's mission to make everyone accept my God doesn't mean I'm a religious fanatic."

"Just because the Washington Free Press prints your articles doesn't mean that you're a born-again Shakespeare."

Styx Mundstock is a regular contributor to the Washington Free Press, and is the eighth reincarnation of William Shakespeare.