In the US, many of us were educated as children with the mantra of "We're Number One." But when you learn more about other countries, you see that they are often superior in various ways. It's time we start to better appreciate this. If you've traveled or lived outside the US, the Free Press invites you to contribute to this continuing feature of the paper.

Polish Jokes

Thirty or more years ago, Poles were the butt of "Polish Jokes" in the United States. In fact, if you've ever known a Pole, you might have found that Poles have a great tradition of trading jokes with each other, and a very wry sense of humor. Here are a few Polish Jokes--jokes translated from Polish to English, told to me by a Polish friend.

Doug Collins

Old Times

• In communist times, a local party secretary was visiting a big construction site that was behind schedule in the five-year plan. He stood in front of the big project to get a good view of how things were progressing. A worker with an empty wheelbarrow walked by, and for the next ten minutes the same worker walked back and forth along the construction site, always with an empty wheelbarrow. The secretary finally stopped him and asked him, "Comrade, what are you doing pushing an empty wheelbarrow back and forth?" The worker replied, "Comrade secretary, there is so much work to do that I don't have time to fill my wheelbarrow!"

Immigration

• A Polish immigrant was filling out his papers at the immigration office. One item asked for "sex" with a blank next to it. Impressed at the openness of American society, the immigrant wrote "Yes." The immigration official noticed the misunderstanding and handed back the form, saying, "You have to write male or female." Truly awestruck, and striving to be very open-minded himself, the immigrant wrote "either."
• Two Poles are talking about their friend who immigrated to America. "Did you hear about Voitek? He opened up a jewelry store after just one year in America!" "How did he do that?" "With a crowbar."

Forgive Us, Mother-In-Laws

• A man was driving on the highway and noticed his mother-in-law riding her bicycle. He stopped and said, "Where are you going?" "To the cemetery," she replied. "Who's going to bring back the bike?" he asked.

Physics

• A bright Polish physics student noticed Albert. Einstein on a train to New York. Wanting to impress Dr. Einstein with his knowledge of relativity, he said, "Tell me, Dr. Einstein, what time does New York get to this train?"
• Relativity is easy to explain. A minute seems like an hour when you have your hand on a hot stove. An hour seems like a minute when you have your hand on your beautiful lover.