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American Newspeak
word collisions by Wayne Grytting
Divine Inspiration Department: A minor miracle occurred when 29
newspapers printed exactly the same letter to the editor, but all
written by different people who had all found exactly the same words
to praise President Bush's tax cut. The letters all begin with the
sentences: "When it comes to the economy, President Bush is
demonstrating genuine leadership. The economic growth package he
recently proposed takes us in the right direction by accelerating the
successful tax cuts of 2001..." Opponents of the miracle thesis point
to the growing practice of "astroturf" organizing (as opposed to
"grassroots" organizing) by PR fronts, and to a Republican web site
called "gopteamleader.com" which also contains a copy of the exact
same letter with easy e-mail links to newspapers and prizes for letter
"writers."
Darwin Awards: President Bush's announcement of a tax cut for Wall
Street investors was the occasion for one of the finer understatements
of the past decade. The statement was made by White House spokesman
Ari Fleischer, who announced, "The president does not believe in
punishing people because they are successful." Indeed. According to
the Brookings Institute, a typical teacher, police officer or fire
person could expect a return of $350 to $500 under Bush's plan, while
the typical multi-millionaire could expect about $88,000.
Amateur Hour: The University of California at Berkeley re-entered the
censorship business with a resounding belly flop when officials
decided to censor a fundraising letter for the Emma Goldman Papers
Project. One sentence, in particular, by the noted anarchist was found
to be too offensive to today's more patriotic sensibilities. Listen
and see if you don't agree. In 1915, before we had entered World War I
Emma is quoted exhorting people "not yet overcome by war madness to
raise their voice of protest, to call attention of the people to the
crime and outrage which are about to be perpetrated on them."
Obviously a tad inappropriate. Regardless, the University was forced
to back down from their stand after the case received too much
attention in the press.
Poor White Trash Revenge Department: The latest housing style coming
out of Florida are homes modeled on the depression era shacks known as
cracker houses. An exclusive development west of Gainesville, Florida
known as Fanning Springs is featuring " a style of architecture in
keeping with the charm of the old Florida cracker" homes. Houses come
with a genuine corrugated metal roof, clapboard siding and an outhouse
(with modern plumbing, of course). They do come with one minor
difference--a starting price of $750,000. But that's a small price for
what developers describe as a chance to have a "cracker experience."
Axis of Evil Department: The Bush administration set a new record for
the number of times they used the phrase "failed to cooperate" in
reference to Iraq without cluttering their prose with examples.
Fortunately I've had access to the government's top-secret "broad
evidence" of Iraq's non-cooperation. here are the highlights. 1. 73
nail files unaccounted for. 2. 89 missing footnotes in the 12,000 page
declaration. 3. 12 engineers observed eating excessive amounts of
garlic before interviews. 4. Three scientists in Baghdad refused to
lower their pants when requested. Okay, I made this up, but I think
you get the point.
Wayne can be reached at wgrytt@scn.org when he isn't reading a copy of
American Newspeak (the book). Check out
www.scn.org/newspeak.
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