FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CHOLESTEROL THEORY WIPES OUT HUMAN RACE

'Regret at the waste of a fine planet'

"We were surprised at the rapidity of its effects," said the commission's chairman, "and the tenacity of the theory. Even when infertility and early death became widespread, humans did not question the validity of the basic assumptions."

The delegation, which visits Planet Earth once every fifty earth years on fact-finding missions, estimated the decrease in earthling numbers at almost 99 percent. Only pockets of isolated populations and some descendants of impoverished dairy farmers, too poor to purchase supermarket foods, remained.

Proponents of the cholesterol theory maintained that saturated fats and cholesterol were the cause of heart disease. Industrially processed vegetable oils gradually replaced saturated fats in the human diet as Earth-dwellers sought to lower their blood cholesterol below the levels needed to produce reproductive hormones. The introduction of imitation foods-rich in plant-based estrogens and plant sterols-into commonly eaten foods exacerbated the antifertility effects.

Humans were also encouraged to take drugs to lower cholesterol levels and these had side effects such as cancer, which contributed to the population decline. Heart disease increased, in spite of rigid adherence to cholesterol-lowering regimes.

Ironically, a few earthling scientists had warned against the effects of diets based on vegetable oils, the commission found. But these souls were either ignored or persecuted. Over time, general mental ability declined, with great numbers of children experiencing learning difficulties. Eventually, humans could no longer make sense of ancestral dietary traditions or of published studies on the role of saturated fats in human nutrition.

The real enemy, according to the report, was fear. "Humans were taught to fear the very foods that had made their evolution possible," said the observers. "They were very gullible and believed the advertisements and pronouncements of those who profited from the sale of vegetable oils and cholesterol-lowering drugs."

"Even if earthlings can overcome their fear and return to traditional foods," said the commission, "it will take centuries to repopulate the earth." The delegation expressed regret at the waste of a fine planet.

Above satire reprinted with permission from the Weston A. Price Foundation, www.westonaprice.org . See also The Oiling of America, by Mary Enig, PhD and Sally Fallon.