The Wanderings and Thoughts of Kip Kellogg
by Vincent Spada #8
Kip Kellogg had trouble sleeping. Kip could never fall asleep. He'd lay there for a spell, just thinking, then Kip would get right up. He'd pull on his pants, find his dirty sneakers, and go wandering into the night. Trying to find that something, that something that would make real sense.
Kip wandered some for a bit, not really heading in any specific direction. But soon he came to a large house that was used as an old folks home. Although it wasn't that late, Kip noticed that all the lights in the house were already out. Kip thought about what it must be like to be old, and then he tried to picture himself in his 70s or 80s, but he couldn't. It just didn't seem possible to Kip that he would ever reach that age.
Then he thought about how people in those homes are always told what to do, and what to eat, and how to live, and it seemed very strange to him. Kip figured that, when you get really old, it's just like going back to being a child. You're not allowed to do anything for yourself, and you can't go anywhere unless somebody says you can, and even then you have to be watched.
It seemed to Kip that old people were kind of like prisoners almost, and there was no chance of escaping because once you're old, you can't ever be young again.
Then Kip thought about Mother Nature, and imagined what she'd be like if she were a real person. Kip tried to picture her as kind, but at that moment he really couldn't. All he could see her as was cold. Cold and indifferent and cruel.
Kip walked around some for a spell, and then he sat in a parking lot of a restaurant and watched people going inside to have dinner. He noticed that people usually went out in groups, and figured that made sense. A lot of people like doing that, because it takes pressure off of them. They don't have to do all the talking, and they can kind of just drift.
Then Kip noticed three people, two girls and a guy. One girl was hugging and paying attention to the guy, and the other girl was just sort of walking behind them. Kip figured that the alone girl was the other girl's friend, and that she'd just tagged along on her date. Neither of them were really paying any attention to the alone girl, and that seemed to upset her.
Kip wondered why she was alone. She seemed like a nice enough sort. Then Kip figured that maybe she just lacked confidence, and because of that she walked behind people. Confidence was an amazing thing, thought Kip. If you have it, you can do anything.
Kip left the parking lot and went down past the arcades. The whole place was lit up, and the machines were buzzing like crazy. Kip was surprised to see so many young kids out at that time of night, and wondered if their parents knew they were there. Some of them looked about only eight or nine years old, and Kip kind of worried that they might be stolen.
He thought back to when he was younger, and it seemed as if it were a million centuries ago. Kip was only 30 years old, yet he felt like he was ancient. Time had speeded up on him, and now he didn't recognize some of the sights around him. It was almost as if he'd woken up one day, only to find himself in a different world. People talked and acted so oddly now, and nothing seemed familiar to him anymore. Everything moved way too fast, and Kip simply couldn't keep up.
Feeling a little blue, Kip left and wandered to a place that was more quiet. It was this spot right behind a movie theater, where some trees had been left standing. Kip sat down against a tree, and tossed a few pebbles around. He was drawn to these quiet places. They helped him think more clearly.
Kip thought about the city around him, then the country, and then the planet. Then he thought about the universe, and all the quiet places that must be in it. Kip figured that somewhere out there, someone else might also be wandering. And they might also be sitting against a tree, tossing pebbles around just like him. Maybe there were even thousands of people doing that exact same thing, at that exact same moment in time. Just sitting down in the darkness, tossing pebbles out into nowhere.
Kip stopped what he was doing, and looked up at the Moon. He never felt so alone in all his life. He felt like he didn't exist.
Kip got up and walked away from the trees, but he did it pretty slowly. As he wandered he thought about what life meant, and why things were the way they were. At first he figured that everything was wrong, and that there was no way to make it right, but then he kind of changed his mind and came up with a different point of view. Maybe, he figured, things were a certain way, because that's how it had to be.
Kip realized that a person really only learns from grief, and that if you don't have that you'll never understand anything. He knew that too much grief was a bad thing, because too much of anything always is, but perhaps, if you have some obstacles in your way, you'll learn how to overcome them. And maybe, by doing that, you'll be better off, and that will make you more of a true person in the end. You'll understand because you've been through it. You'll understand because you've been there. To Kip, that seemed like the only way real life could be, and it made sense because it was true.
Finally Kip went home, undressed and went to bed. He closed his eyes against his pillow, and tried to sleep like the rest of the world.
But sadly, Kip couldn't sleep. Like always, he was wide awake.
You can contact Vincent Spada at
Email cemetery76@yahoo.com Now
He is interested in further publication of his work.
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