Unfortunately... Fortunately

I go crazy when I think about you. Fortunately, I haven't thought about you in years.

I have a great need to be taken care of. Fortunately, I'm in prison.

I hate hot weather and polluted air. Fortunately, I'm an Eskimo.

I'm very shy and have trouble talking with people. Fortunately, I'm in solitary confinement.

I lost a leg in a terrible accident. Fortunately, I'm a centipede.

I'm really ugly and stupid looking. Fortunately, I make a good living doing TV commercials.

I'm very skinny with lousy hair and no bosom. Fortunately, I'm a model and people think I'm very sexy.

I love to foul and break the rules and be praised for it. Fortunately, I'm a professional athlete.

I missed out on all the crazy fun in high school. Fortunately, I'm one of the only ones in my class who isn't alcoholic or suffering from some kind of venereal disease.

I'm really stupid, but my parents sent me to college. Fortunately, I'm getting my master degree in Advanced Playground Supervision.

There's only one Washington Free Press. Fortunately, it's a good one.

Styx Mundstock lives on a quiet, secluded island. Fortunately, he can entertain himself and others by composing funny articles. --Editor