Serving You Better for All Your Military Needs

illustration by John Ambrosavage
Free Press staff

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.



1.
___Mr.
___Mrs.
___Ms.
___Miss
___Lt.
___Gen.
___Comrade
___Classified
___Other

First Name: __________________ Initial: ____ Last Name: __________________

Password: ___________________ Code Name: __________________




2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
___F-14 Tomcat
___F-15 Eagle
___F-16 Falcon
___F-117A Stealth

Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19____ / ____ /_____

Serial Number: ________________________




3. Please check where this product was purchased:
___Mail order
___Discount store
___Received as gift / aid package
___Catalog showroom
___Independent arms broker
___Government surplus
___Classified




4. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
___Heard loud noise, looked up
___Store display
___Espionage
___Recommended by friend / relative / ally
___Political lobbying by manufacturer
___Was attacked by one




5. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
___Color TV
___VCR
___Home Computer
___ICBM
___Killer Satellite
___Air-to-Air Missiles
___Space Shuttle
___Nuclear Weapon




6. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply:)
___Communist / Socialist
___Terrorist
___Crazed
___Neutral
___Democratic
___Dictatorship
___Corrupt
___Primitive / Tribal




7. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
___Cash
___Personal check
___Credit card
___Deficit spending
___Suitcases of cocaine
___Oil revenues
___Ransom money




8. Your occupation:
___Homemaker
___Sales / marketing
___Clerical
___Manager
___Revolutionary
___Mercenary
___Tyrant
___Eccentric billionaire
___Defense Minister / General
___Retired




9. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
___Golf
___Boating / sailing
___Jogging
___Household pets
___Sabotage
___Propaganda / disinformation
___Destabilization / overthrow
___Default on loans
___Black market / smuggling
___Interrogation / torture




Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800, St. Louis, MO.


 The above "market survey" was circulated via internet with no listed authorship. It was reportedly posted briefly on a McDonnell Douglas company website by an employee prankster. McDonnell Douglas has been one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft and has recently merged with Boeing.

[Home] [This Issue's Directory] [WFP Index] [WFP Back Issues] [E-Mail WFP]

Contents this page were published in the May/June, 1998 edition of the Washington Free Press.
WFP, 1463 E. Republican #178, Seattle, WA -USA, 98112. -- WAfreepress@gmail.com
Copyright © 1998 WFP Collective, Inc.