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Contents this page were published in the March/April, 1998 edition of the Washington Free Press.
WFP, 1463 E. Republican #178, Seattle, WA -USA, 98112. -- WAfreepress@gmail.com
Copyright © 1998 WFP Collective, Inc.
The Best of American Newspeak
A Rose by Any Other Name...
The American Red Cross takes great pride in the fact they, to quote their Legal Resources Manual, "do not endorse, either explicitly or implicitly, any commercial products." That may be why some confusion arose when the Laerdal company, a manufacturer of the mannequins used in many CPR classes, printed a manual with the Red Cross logo emblazoned across its front. Not only that, they printed a letter from a Red Cross VP named Susan Morrissey Livingstone describing Laerdal as "a trusted name world-wide," praising "their dedication to quality manufacturing," and offering discounted mannequins to Red Cross chapters. What sounded much like a commercial endorsement turned out to be something else entirely. It was, in the words of the Red Cross, a "non-exclusive alliance" and not an "endorsement." (NYT 1/26)
Sensitivity Training-Army Style
No doubt many of you worry whether the generals of our US Army are able to take advantage of the many advances being made today by the motivational industry. I'm glad to report that 81 of our newest generals were able to participate in a week long Brigadier General Training Course, where they were taught how to get in touch with their "inner jerk" by Lt. Col. Howard Olsen. The Colonel may have verged on divulging classified information when he told the assembled generals that "Each and everyone of you has something that makes you a jerk." Another unnamed general spoke out about the treaty banning landmines. He warned, "That's the first step on the road to disarmament. The next step is to go after your M-16s." (Glad to see that at least one general was able to get in touch with his "inner jerk.") (WSJ 1/19)
Support Your Local Spy Satellite
Joining Uncle Sam and a proud list of multi-national corporations, state governments are now discovering the joy of spy satellites. States like Georgia are renting time on surveillance satellites built by Lockheed Martin and Raytheon to track down water use, unreported logging and new construction. Larry Griggers, director of the Georgia Department of Revenue, even admits this snooping from the skies "certainly has a 'Big Brother is Watching you' flavor to it." But Mr. Griggers does not let that thought deter his agency. Why? Because in his words, "It prevents us from having to spend money for other types of enforcement." Best to have the least expensive version of Big Brother, don't you agree? (WSJ 1/27)
Military-Industrial Logic 101
Traditionally, our citadels of higher learning have strived to avoid looking like mere store fronts for the Pentagon. But a recent report by the Natural Resources Defense Council has criticized many major universities for their involvement in nuclear weapons research. The most visible target is a program at five schools to build a supercomputer to simulate the effects of nuclear explosions for the US Energy Department. Fending off criticism of involving academia in the creation of weapons of mass destruction, Joan Rohlfing, a senior energy advisor to the Energy Department, made a fine distinction obviously missed by fat-headed opponents. "The purpose of the department's simulation research financing," she said, "is to improve our ability to maintain the nation's nuclear stockpile, not to improve its performance." In other words, we don't give a damn what it does, just keep the cash cow happy. (NYT 1/25)
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