The Best of American Newspeak
Orwellian language and euphemism in corporate media.

by Wayne Grytting
Free Press Contributor


Shortages Hit The Affluent
"Lots of wealthy people won't get what they want for Christmas," reports the Wall Street Journal. The shortage of hotel accommodations at elite resorts is sending shudders through our nation's country clubs. Increasingly, rich couples are finding it impossible to find space for their winter vacations at exclusive hide-aways in the Carribean and the Mediterranean unless they make reservations a year in advance. Then they face the hardship of having to scramble for a limited number of first class airline seats. And if that were not enough, many arrive at their destination only to discover the type of problem encountered by Caroline and Richard Mosse, two New York investment bankers. They flew to the secluded Casa de Campo in the Dominican Republic only to discover the rooms didn't come with maids! These shortages in luxury accomodations have struck hard because as yacht broker Ann-Willis White is quoted as saying, "Most of our clients aren't accustomed to being told no." Sounds ever so much like the kiddies in our swankier pre-schools. (WSJ 9/26)


The Crack Down on "Loiterers"
The ACLU has once again stuck its nose into a fine piece of American legislation and filed a pesky court challenge. Citizens in Salida City, Colorado, in an effort to wipe out the scourge of "loitering," passed a bill earlier this year stopping adults from spending more than five minutes in a public place after 11 p.m. The ordinance outlawed the disgraceful practice of people staying too long in one location, which it defined precisely as "any two points within two hundred feet of each other." Despite trivial objections that this makes waiting in lines at theaters illegal, supporters have stuck to their position following a few initial compromises. The original bill, for example, not only prohibited "loitering," but also "lingering," "tarrying" (my personal favorite), or "standing idly about." And it covered the entire day as well. (ACLU Press Release 9/2)


Empowering Our Schools
Channel One, the news program that brings advertising to over 8 million students in school, has found a way to be more participatory. No longer will students, teachers and administrators be mere passive observers of the show. Channel One is enlisting teachers and principals to help in marketing campaigns. Teachers, for example, are being engaged to help students write commercials for Snapple and design art for Pepsi vending machines. Principals are being sent coupons for Subway sandwiches that they can hand out to students. Says Channel One sales director Martin Grant, participating in these ad campaigns is a way for teachers "to make the lesson relevant." Answering actual criticism of turning teachers into marketing partners, CEO David Tanzer says they are "sensitive about turning schools into merchandisers, but it only runs promotional campaigns that benefit advertisers and students alike." "But Mr. Tanzer, aren't all ad campaigns of benefit to students?" asked Beaver Cleaver. (WSJ 9/15)


Of Human Bondage
Congress finally passed legislation banning the importation of goods made by indentured children . The bill, sponsored by Rep. Bernie Sanders, managed to pass in spite of the compassionate concerns of House Republicans who thought that, in the New York Times' words, "it might be expensive for Customs to enforce it." The U.S. purchases of rugs and soccer balls help maintain much of the estimated 15 million indentured children in Asia, so it was good news that in 1997, we can finally afford to curtail our trade. Surprisingly there has been a law on the books since 1930 banning the importing of goods made by indentured or convict labor "under penal sanctions." But customs officials, in one of their more memorable feats of bureaucratic hairsplitting, ruled the law did not apply to children because they did not work "under penal sanctions" as the law required. So for 67 years we have been abetting the enslavement of millions of children because these youngsters lacked the foresight to have been convicted of a crime before they became indentured workers. (NYT 10/1)


Big Brotherphobia
Are you fearful of the government's use of electronic surveillance? Do you have nightmares with seedy looking FBI agents sitting up late monitoring your email? Well, you may be harboring "extremist" and even "elitist" views! So warns the FBI's Alan McDonald about critics of the governments electronic surveillance who are at this very moment threatening the nation's security by making normal law enforcement more difficult. Undoubtedly you are wondering whether this unreasoning paranoia can be overcome? "Yes," says McDonald. Its so simple. "When people don't know much about electronic surveillance," he says, " they are fearful of it. But when they know Congress passed laws and the Supreme Court reviewed them and that there are numerous constraints and procedures, then it makes sense to them. It seems rational and balanced." Just the knowledge that Congress was involved certainly removed all my fears. (TechWire 9/25)


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Contents this page were published in the November/December, 1997 edition of the Washington Free Press.
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