By Cory Herndon
Free Press contributor
A boycott against Disney? Sure, it sounded appealing on the surface. Get back at those rodent-toting bastards that put a bullet into Ma Bambi. Run 'em over with a herd of antelope. See how they like it. So, frankly, I was glad to hear that the Southern Baptist Convention, the American Family Association, as well as several politicians who have Jehovah's ear, had reported that God was a little put out with these two-bit Steamboat Willies. I naturally assumed that the big guy had finally decided to step in and put an end to the wholesale Mom-and-Pop slaughterhouse once and for all.
Reading further, I was amazed to learn that it was not a literal assault on the family that had triggered this action - it was insurance! Nothing to do with films at all! No, Yahweh was protesting Disney's move to extend health benefits to same-sex, unmarried partners of employees.
"Oh," thought I, "the protest must be over the fact that the opposite-sex unmarried couples are being left out in the cold. Indeed, very un-Christian of Disney - do unto others, and all that." But the objection concerned the benefits to the same-sex partners. Quickly, I picked up my rather dog-eared copy of the Word of God (Western European Edition), and checked those commandments - don't kill, respect your folks, adultery bad - but not a word about health care in the workplace.
Then it dawned on me: could it be the Christians themselves who had objected to the bennies, not the Almighty? But even if these folks weren't directly passing on a celestial complaint, they did seem to chat with the Lamb quite a bit. Maybe they just thought he'd be a little embarrassed to ask directly, skittish after what happened the last time he made a personal appearance. This happens all the time, most likely due to that exhausting schedule he keeps - it's reported that he was keeping himself "especially busy" in another section of the Firmament when the US Constitution was signed (keeping him from getting a slice of the take, and having to settle for being tax-free and winning honorable mention in the Pledge of Allegiance).
No such luck. The Rev. Arthur Rathje, a sponsor of the original Florida Baptist Convention resolution late last fall, finally cleared it up for me. "If we Christians feel that they're shying away from traditional family values, we're going to have to shy away from putting money in their pockets." And what - force people to baby-sit their kids themselves when it's so easy to pop in Herbie the Love Bug?
Even the branch of the righteous who had been solely concerned with getting His Hosanna-ness back on the playing field of American politics lost sight of their purpose. Last November, a group of 25 God-Fearing southern state legislators, led by Republican Bob Brooks, sent a letter to Michael Eisner, who runs Mickey's playhouse, stating that "We are surprised at your belittlement of the sanctity of marriage...we - and others who have looked to you as the provider of wholesome, family-oriented entertainment - consider your decision a big mistake both morally and financially."
Since there are homosexuals working at Disney now (why else extend benefits?), it would stand to reason that there may well have been queer folks working for the company (gasp!) all along. They may have even had health insurance. It didn't seem to have bothered anyone then. Disney still churns out the same sop for the kids, albeit with better computer graphics. The most recent resolution, adopted in June at the all-star Southern Baptist Convention (16 million served) may keep The Rescuers Downunder out of the hands of a Dallas/Fort Worth Heritage reader ("I just looked up gay and Disney on an Internet search and came up with well over 100 entries... I am so angry!" - actual quote).
However, most kids, and immature adults, will patronize Ariel's Li'l Bait Shops, settle down with a Pooh's Honey Wheat, and feast on Frozen Walt's Lo-Fat Mouse Milk Substitute, same as always. And Disney will provide for their people, whoever they sleep with. And the snake-handlers will continue to be jealous that God's health plan isn't nearly as promising.
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Contents on this page were published in the September/October, 1996 edition of the Washington Free
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