as told to Doug Collins

The Free Press

You know those anecdotes in Reader's Digest, like "Life in These United States"? Well, my stories about guys coming on to you and people being sick aren't like that. They might not be the right thing for a paper.

A while ago, there was one guy who was interested in my co-worker. He was trying on shoes and saying to her, "You mean I have to buckle them on each time? You're not gonna come to my house and do it for me?" It wasn't really funny though, just another crazy guy being inappropriate. Stuff like that happens pretty often.

Another time a guy came in trying on shoes, and he acted really sleepy as if he were drunk or something. He kept on pointing at different shoes, and I was trying to articulate to him about the shoes, but he wasn't paying any attention, and I kept bringing them out, and he kept trying them on, always about to fall asleep it seemed. Eventually he started saying, "Oh no! Oh no!" and he goes into a grand mal seizure and falls directly on me. I'm holding him on the couch and he has a seizure for 10 minutes. The whole store was saying, "Call 911!" But I had worked at an epilepsy clinic in a previous job, so I knew what was going on and that it wasn't a big deal. He came out of it and he was drenched in sweat. He was dressed completely in leather, so he was a really sweaty guy. Then he says. "I'm diabetic. I have to eat sugar." We had this candy sitting around so we gave him a half a box of it, and he was fine.

After he calmed down, he wouldn't leave the store for like two hours. He had brought his bag with a portfolio of photos of himself in various motorcycle races and accidents, like, "This is a photo of me under the wheel here." He was just showing me because I had saved him from 911. I guess he was grateful that I was cool enough not to call 911, because when you're having a seizure you don't have to go to the hospital unless you hurt yourself.

If you write this up in the paper it might sound like I'm making fun of this guy who was sick and had a really embarrassing thing happen to him. That's not how I feel about it. It's just that anything you can think of, it's happened in the store.

But some things happen all the time. For instance, customers come in and they ask, "So what's popular? What's the best-selling style? What's the best-selling color?" And they often want a size less than what their foot is, so their feet will look smaller. Only women do that really, because they want a shoe that will make their foot look more petite. You know, the way society has trained women to think small feet are cool. If I have energy I'll try to let them have some self-respect and help them make a good decision on their own, but sometimes I tell them whatever they want.

My boss isn't really well. Employee-boss relations are terrible at our store. The manager must have taken some pop-psychology course or something. When he's praising you or reprimanding you, he grabs you, puts his hand on your shoulder. It's like he's taken an EST class, that's one of his techniques. It's physically oppressive.

UNITED STATES. Petitions for assistance for U.S. workers who lost their jobs due to NAFTA have totaled 250 up to September 1994, and more than 10,000 workers have been judged eligible for dislocation assistance. The states with the most job loss petitions are Pennsylvania (33), Washington (24), New York (21), Texas (19), and California (15). Meanwhile, Commerce Secretary Ron Brown claims there has been a net gain of 100,000 U.S. jobs due to NAFTA, but the Commerce Department's chief economist has denied that the figure was ascribed to NAFTA, or that it even included adjustments for jobs lost. In fact, a report from the Joint Economic Commission of the U.S. Congress estimates a net loss of 10,000 jobs, specifically due to NAFTA. (Union Labor Reports and In These Times)

UNITED STATES. The U.S. Postal Service has asked for pay cuts of up to $3,500 annually for weekend and night work required of most workers, and has been insisting on denying benefits and "just cause" fairness provisions (for firing of employees) to over 40,000 transitional workers. Over 70,000 postal workers are now without health benefits. The Postal Service also proposes to double the number of "casual workers" who earn about $7 an hour, and who have little or no benefits. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, it takes an hourly wage of $7.34 to keep an urban family at the poverty level. Postal workers are forbidden to strike by law. (Greater Seattle APWU)

PORTLAND, OR. A dozen battalion chiefs among Portland firefighters voted to join Fire Fighters Local 43 in October 1993, and requested overtime pay as part of negotiations for a new contract. The Portland City Council has since questioned the chiefs' rights to join a union due to their managerial status. The contract, which includes many provisions for other workers, was finally ratified by firefighters in December, but the fate of the chiefs awaits a court ruling. (NW Labor Press)

KALAMA, WA. The 27 workers at the S. Madill manufacturing plant who had joined the Machinists union in 1994 were informed in their first bargaining session that the company would close the plant and move to Canada. The union filed a charge with the National Labor Relations Board, accusing the company of closing to avoid bargaining. The NLRB ruled promptly in favor of the union, and Madill reversed its decision to close late last year. The workers at Madill, which produces logging equipment, now have their first contract, lasting through 1995. (WA State Labor Council)

SEATTLE. A Department of Transportation worker, Larry Zahler, was accused by a neighbor of parking his agency vehicle at home during working hours, and using the vehicle to transport children and to buy beer. Management was preparing to terminate him, but in a pre-termination hearing, Zahler and union reps were able to show that the accuser was biased via testimony from other neighbors. (WA State Employee)