FREE THOUGHTS

OPINIONS WE
COULDN'T KEEP
TO OURSELVES



Are You a Semi-Spamivore?

If you don't eat meat, then you are a vegetarian, right? And if you don't eat anything made with animal products, then you are a vegan, right? And if you don't eat beef, but you eat other meat, then you are something like a semi-vegetarian, right? Or you are just a vegetarian until someone calls you on the turkey sandwich you had last week. So if you don't eat beef or pork (except for a piece of bacon once every three months), but you love seafood, then you must be a quasi-vegi-lacto-porka-carnivore, right?

After scouring the "Housing Wanted" and coffee shop bulletin boards around north Seattle while trying to fill two rooms in our house, I decided that current English is totally inadequate for describing our meat eating or avoiding preferences. I tried to decipher the "Semi-vegie (I eat chicken)" and the "Vegetarian (but I eat seafood) seeks vegie household (semi-vegie OK) for communal began meals" ads and then decide whether that person could mesh with our fully omnivorous household. And one question kept popping into my head: What the hell is a semi-vegetarian?

I know people who claim to be semi-vegetarians. Gosh, some of my best friends are semi-vegetarians, or so they say. And my parents call me a vegetarian because I don't eat beef, but I'm not, so I guess I too could be a semi-vegetarian. But what does that mean? Nothing. Nothing at all. It's a stupid, vague, wishy-washy, cold Malt-o-Meal of a word.

Grammatically, it's a lame hyphenated word that adds nothing to a description of a person without the assistance of several other clarifying words. It's exactly the sort of empty, impotent word we were taught to hunt down and kill in college journalism classes. If someone tells you they are semi-vegie, without any parenthetical clarifications, what does that tell you about their eating habits? Sometimes they eat plant matter, sometimes they eat animal matter. Nothing else.

Philosophically or morally or ethically, I suppose the label "semi-vegie" may soothe the guilty conscience of those who don't want to eat meat or feel they shouldn't eat meat, but do so anyway. A semi-vegie sounds sort of like a vegetarian, right, so they both are basically plant eaters.

Wrong! Face the facts all you semi-vegie vegetarian wanna-bees: you eat meat! You are not a semi-, pseudo- or quasi-vegetarian. You are an omnivore just like Mr. and Mrs. Steak and Potatoes. Chickens don't grow on trees. A salmon is not a vegetable. And even though you may be able to peel a turkey sausage, it is not a fruit.

So, to clarify future dialogue concerning our eating habits, I call for an indefinite moratorium on the use of the words semi-vegetarian or semi-vegie and hope that you will choose a more precise and meaningful word from the following glossary when tempted to utter those S-V words.

Poultarian: Someone who doesn't eat meat (Except for chicken and turkey).

Piscesivore: Someone who doesn't eat meat (except for fish).

Molluskarian: Someone who doesn't eat meat (except for shellfish).

Van de Campist: Someone who doesn't eat meat (except for frozen fish sticks).

Spamivore: Someone who doesn't eat meat (except for everyone's favorite meat by-product).

Pepperonist: Someone who doesn't eat meat (except when it's round and comes on pizzas).

Unbovarian: Someone who has no qualms about eating meat as long as it didn't come from a cow.

-Mike Blain
illustration by Dick Lande



Another (Yawn) Local Election

Quit blaming the citizens for not voting! Local elections in the United States are nearly as intriguing as comparative shopping between different brands of toothpaste. Although federal "motor voter" legislation (allowing voter registration at driver's license offices) may increase voter participation somewhat, many aspects of elections in the US cause automatic apathy.

Ballot Boredom
The number of candidates running unopposed is embarrassing. Of the 313 offices up for grabs in King County this year, candidates were running unopposed in 139 cases. The bulk of these unopposed seats were in the numerous "district" elections (including water districts, sewer districts, even cemetery districts - great stepping stones for political careers). Many candidates for important city offices were also unopposed, such as Seattle city Attorney Mark Sidran.

Spiffing up our ballot would be a simple operation. First, the habitually unopposed seats should be eliminated: the sewer commissioner could be appointed by the local mayor, or better yet, elected by the sewer employees.

Second, in the other more competitive races, we should be able to choose among parties, not just names. Currently, most mayoral and city council elections are nonpartisan. A listing of party affiliations would help voters form a rough idea of what each candidate stands for, and would increase the visibility of smaller parties, particularly new ones.

Finance Deform
Pro-corporate candidates can watch the campaign funds flow in, while truly pro-labor or pro-environment candidates are lucky to get help from their grandparents. This deformed state of affairs is partly caused by the courts, which have repeatedly found legislative limits on campaign spending to be in violation of freedom of speech. Another solution to campaign fund inequality, public financing of campaigns, was killed in Washington state last year by a small clause in Initiative 134, a Republican-backed campaign-finance reform measure.

In 1991, prior to Initiative 134, Freedom Socialist Party member Yolanda Alaniz received 20 percent of the vote against front-runner Sue Donaldson for a Seattle City Council seat. Although Alaniz lost, it was a tremendous showing for labor politics in Seattle. Part of Alaniz's success was her qualification for city matching funds, public money dispersed to candidates who raise a certain amount of campaign donations on their own. One year later, Initiative 134 forced Seattle to scrap its matching funds.

Carolyn Van Noy, executive director of the Seattle Ethics and Elections Commission, which oversees city elections, decries the initiative.

"I believe that because of 134 we're seeing fewer serious candidates that can challenge incumbents. In past city elections, candidates filed as early as January in order to start work on fundraising so they could get matching funds," Noy said. ""This year, most challengers waited until shortly before the summer filing deadline. The result is that the public is not as familiar with the challengers."

Impotence
A final cause of voter apathy is that local politicians are unable to solve the most pressing problems. Almost every city candidate sings a standard tough-on-crime litany (even seeming progressives like Seattle Councilwoman Margaret Pageler do so), but city governments are largely powerless to change the roots of crime - guns, economic instability, widespread homelessness and hopelessness.

These underlying problems can never be solved by cities, which are fearful of becoming welfare magnets. We need, at the national level, an expanded notion of gun control and welfare, including job training and placement, before local candidates can be free to seriously discuss issues besides crime.

-Doug Collins



601 In Hindsight

One thing the Initiative 601 people neglected to tell you, and the well-heeled but hapless campaign against the initiative failed to expose, is that 601 is not a recipe for slowing growth in the size of government. In fact, it will shrink it.

Under 601, spending can only grow as fast as the population and inflation. Without some way of indexing the budget to the state's real economic growth - such as pegging it also to changes in real per capita income - the size of government will continue to drop in relation to the size of Washington's economy.

Rising income brings with it increased demands on government, because people insist on more amenities as they become wealthier, and also because a more complex economy requires more public investment.

Government also needs to be able to respond to the inevitable problems caused by growth. But because it's now virtually impossible to raise taxes, some other way of raising money will have to be found. Perhaps the religious, conservative followers of Sen. Linda Smith can pass around a second basket at Sunday collection time.

-Mark Gardner



Seattle Commons Update

The Seattle Commons folk are working with Habitat for Humanity to provide low-income housing in the Commons' planned redevelopment area that lies between downtown and Lake Union. (Why is it that an organization so rich with investments needs the help of a charity to help it provide low-income housing? Is it because it wants to reserve as much money as possible to encourage not-so-low-income housing?).

For example, the Commons announced recently that a 73-unit apartment complex is expected to open in January, with studios, and one- and two-bedroom units going for $500 to $1,200 a month. Is this really affordable housing?

-Mark Worth





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Contents on this page were published in the December/Jan, 1994 edition of the Washington Free Press.
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